The Secret of a Happy Marriage

Photo by EIGHTPRESSION on Unsplash

by Ed Kratz

Martha and Ben sat across from each other at the breakfast table. Martha held her section of the paper in front of her face, reading. Once in a while, one hand would dart out and grab her scone for a bite and put it back, while Martha kept her paper in position.

Her face still behind the paper, Martha said, "So we're on for spending Saturday at my sister's house and doing the yard sales."

"We have a garage full of junk. We don't need any more." Ben said. He took the gun he had hidden on his lap and rested it on the table. He squinted his eyes and stared at Martha.

"We'll stay overnight. Then we can have lunch at the deli with the great corned beef the next day. You love their corned beef." Martha said.

"I hate corned beef."

"I've got it all set."

"I said I hate corned beef." Ben banged the gun on the table. "I hate yard sales. And I hate your sister."

He banged the gun again. "Do I have your attention?"

Martha lowered her paper. She looked at Ben's gun. "I was just getting into this article. I'll try to remember my place. This will not take long."

She folded the paper, put it to her side on the table, smiled and lifted her own weapon.

Ben said, "It's a Glock. So big."

Martha stroked it like a pet. "This is just like that gun in that old movie with Clint Eastwood. You loved that movie."

Ben couldn't speak. With great effort, he raised his weapon an inch. It seemed tiny now.

"Your gun isn't loaded anyway, darling. I unloaded it. You can't hide things from me. I know you well, my love."

"Loaded?" Ben said.

"You've never been good at planning. That's why I manage our 401K."

Ben spun the empty chamber. He shook his head.

"Now, Ben, we've been over this so many times. You can't fool me."

Ben put his gun down on the table. He sobbed like someone accepting great sorrow.

"So, like I said, we'll stay over and have that corned beef platter at the deli."

Ben rubbed his unloaded pistol as if it were a bottle that could call forth a genie that could save him.

"My sister, she said our marriage would never last. But we've proved her wrong, haven't we, dear?"

Ben sobbed as Martha returned to her paper. But in the midst of his crying, he realized he was indeed looking forward to having that rye bread sandwich with the juicy corned beef next Sunday.

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Ed Kratz is a retired computer specialist who has been published in Flash Fiction Magazine, Daily Science Fiction and a few other places.