by R.K. West
There are three things that nearly everyone asks for. The first is money. They used to ask for a million dollars. At some point, that became ten million; now it has jumped to a billion.
The second request is beauty/youth. The old want to be young again, and the young want to stay that way. Everybody wants to be better looking: taller, thinner, with a more conventional nose and smoother skin. Bald guys want hair, and those with hair want it thicker, shinier, and not so much on the arms.
In third place is love/sex. Many don’t bother to ask, because they assume that if they have the first two, the third will follow naturally. I wish them luck.
No one remembers to ask for health, unless they're already sick.
Sometimes they want vengeance on their enemies, through misfortune or death. I don’t do death, at least not directly. I can inflict unemployment, lost love, intractable itching, public humiliation, sprained ankles, and acne. But I usually remind the aggrieved that living well is the best revenge, and it makes more sense to spend a wish on enhancing one’s own life, rather than to fritter it away on something that offers no real personal benefit.
Now and then, I meet a noble soul who just wants world peace. I have to explain that it’s outside my purview, because it involves too many people and places. It would take a power much greater than mine to change geography, alter weather patterns, redistribute resources, stifle religion, and probably kill a few thousand politicians and businessmen along the way. Sorry.
R.K. West is a former travel blogger who sold everything, spent two years on the road, and now lives next to the mighty Columbia River.
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